Youthful Joys

 

When I was little I loved to play in the mud. Making mud pies and mud soup and using my china dishes to have tea with the dog with little mud balls and dark tea. I also loved play dough. I wasn’t ever allowed to have it more than a month because some how some always found it’s way into the carpet.

My children did not like to play in the mud. They didn’t see the fun in making mud pies you couldn’t eat. They instead liked the clean plastic food used in their play kitchen that they bought at their play store with their play money or play credit card. Sometimes they used their little shopping cart other times a laundry basket to hold their purchases.

They did however love play dough. Unfortunately for me they like to mix the colors and try to get people to really eat it. I on the other hand have my very own play dough now that can only be used if I am playing too. I don’t want my colors mixed and I don’t want the cool toys that go with the play dough to get clogged up with dry play dough because someone decides to put something away without checking all the parts to make sure they are cleaned out

Recently I have also been considering buying a light brite. My kids never had one so I was thinking it might be fun to play with one with them. These are just some of the things that brought me joy during my much younger years. Now you can share yours, if you like :)!

X is for X-ray

 

We take x-rays to see things on the inside. I wish there was a way to take an x-ray to see how people are feeling. Perhaps then we could better help those that are suffering from mental illness or those considering suicide. Another young life was lost in our community yesterday through suicide. There are no words to express the emptiness I see on my own young daughters face. Her sadness and grief are gut wrenching. I cannot even imagine what this young child’s family is going through. This  child was only a Freshman in high school and my own daughter is a Senior at the same school. She knows the family as the older brother has gone to school with her since elementary school. There is no need to second guess the decision that was made as the future without this child is all that we have now. I hope the family can find peace and strength within themselves while they go through these difficult times.

Hug those you love a little tighter and smile at a stranger, you never know the impact you can make.

World of Wonder

 My best friend, Cat-A-Piller.

Montana beautiful sky.   Trip to Missouri from Montana to see my son graduate boot camp. We stopped at the Denver Zoo in Denver, CO and the Rolling Hills Zoo near Salina, KS.

Girl Scouts took both of my daughters across the country. We are all hoping to someday make the trip as a family.

 Sweet Penelope after she broke her toenail down to her paw.   

 Time as a family.

Time in the garden is quiet and relaxing.

An afternoon of painting with my kids is another one of my favorite things to do.

Velociraptor

 

http://www.jurassicquest.com/learn.html

One of my favorite dinosaurs is the velociraptor. I have many, but this guy is short and I like that about him. Jurassic Quest is where you can view this information on many other dinosaurs as well. They are coming back to Montana, sadly I would have to travel out of town to go again so hopefully they will make another visit later this year 🙂 A girl can hope any way!

Underwater

Would you like to live or play under the sea? In the ocean? In a stream? Not me. I really don’t like the unknown. How do you feel when you are swimming in a lake? Have you ever swam in an ocean? I for one would like to see what is in the water with me before I get in. I probably will never swim in an ocean or a sea, I don’t live close to either and it really isn’t one of my great desires. I have been in a lake and all I could think of the whole time was a large unknown creature  grabbing my leg and taking me away to it’s home underwater. A river doesn’t bother me as much, but my fear is still pretty intense. I like to stay close to the shore and not move around too much to keep the water clear. Mountain streams are my favorite water to play in because it is usually very clear, runs down the mountain and the fish are very evident in the stream. In other words I know what is touching my leg underwater then. The best water of all is a swimming pool, in the day time so there are not any dark shadows obscuring the view of any possibly added creatures. I have no desire to swim with dolphins or any other large water mammals. I do think it is awesome the amount of beautiful creatures that do live underwater and even though my children may disagree I believe the Lock Ness Monster is real. 🙂

Suicide = Selfish

There was a time I believed that suicide was selfish. I didn’t understand how someone could end their life when their current situation was temporary and death was permanent. How they could leave the world and let everyone else deal with that loss. You see that is the problem, I didn’t understand. I understood my bouts with depression and my fling with attempted suicide. I understand what motivated me to hold on and not give up my fight as an adult. When I was between the ages of 12 and 13 I took a handful of sleeping pills. I missed my brother who had passed away and I missed my mom because she was never the same after that accident. I felt numb and alone and I just wanted to sleep forever. Flash forward past this incident and on to my adulthood. I didn’t ever think that my attempted suicide was selfish, never once, some how I kept this separate from how I began to feel about suicide in general. Yet as I became an adult and had more of an education on life and what it was all about I did start to believe that suicide was selfish. That the act of suicide went against all that was good and most importantly was the ultimate sin, to take away a life that God had created. I personally have dealt with depression most of my life. My own battle, watching my mom’s battle until her passing and now with my own children. My youngest daughter was told the other day that it was all just a state of mind and she could get past it.

Now I understand things better. I understand that it isn’t about anyone else but yourself and your own battle when you contemplate suicide. This isn’t an act of war against God, not everyone believes in God. It is a release from the fight you have been fighting, a battle that you can’t seem to win. There are no right or wrong answers. There is no one size cures all. It is different for everyone who deals with thoughts of suicide and depression. I don’t have the answers,  I wish I could save everyone who suffers from some form of mental illness. Until then I will do my best to show compassion and support to those I can. I hope that I can be there for those that feel that they have no hope. Of course this is my very own opinion on suicide, everyone is entitled to their own.

Quirky

Quirky is defined as having or being full of quirks. Similar words include whimsical, erratic, curious, fanciful and odd. This defines the life of my kids growing up with me as their mother. I hope they loved it as much as I did. There are so many memories from their childhood that I hold close to my heart. All stuffed animals could talk (and still do), if you can draw it we can go there (even if it is through a story) and sometimes socks were used to get everybody up and moving in the morning. I remember some awesome fashion shows my three amazing children and their friends put on for me. There was a ton of makeup and crazy outfits and funky dancing one night. I even have pictures of this night, although I am unable to share those as I may need them later to blackmail my children. There were other times that they put on skits and filmed movies that they shared with me. One was a snow day with them sledding in our front yard and scooting right under the truck parked on the street. There were giggles and laughter and wide eyed wonderment. I don’t have that particular video any longer, it will be embedded into my memory forever. Without sound of course because the kids set up the video recorder in the house while they played outside and for some reason it didn’t pick up the sound clearly if at all most of the time.

My hope for my children is that they hold on to the quirky behavior taught to them by their mother and continue spreading that quirkiness into the world.

Paranormal

Growing up I had a lot of contact with paranormal experiences. Weird things seemed to happen all the time when I was younger and I had no idea what or why these things were happening. The older I became the less these things seemed to happen. Although weird things still happen occasionally, mostly it happens in my dreams. In the past 10 years, since I moved into my current home, the weird stuff usually happens upstairs.

I am not the one who really notices the weird things anymore. My children now have all of the experiences. My oldest daughter has had visitors in her room late at night. I person in her doorway and one sitting on her bed. She didn’t know what to do, so since she was worried about getting past her visitors she simply rolled over, covered her head and went back to sleep. My son hasn’t seen anything as directly as his sister yet he sees things from the side of his vision. He smells his Nana and feels her close to him. My youngest, the baby, hears things occasionally but really only dreams about some really weird things. Lately I haven’t heard much of anything myself. Some occasional footsteps upstairs when I am home alone but that is about it.

We have never seen anything as exciting as the things portrayed in the Poltergeist movies or the Amityville Horror movie. Mostly just boring, unexplained instances. Perhaps it is just our minds playing tricks on us. Perhaps it is more. We may never know.

Opinions

 

Everyone has an opinion. Sometimes it is the same as yours other times it is not. Tonight a work my youngest daughter was having a conversation with someone and they told her that ADHD, anxiety and depression are all just a state of mind. You can change the way you think and none of those things exist. Thankfully my daughter respected the other person’s point of view and continued the conversation on to other topics. I also had someone tell me today that suicide is selfish. It is all in your beliefs and your knowledge. Since everyone has an opinion I hope others are kind enough to respect them if their opinion differs from theirs. Be kind, think before you speak and if you have nothing nice to say try to be silent.

Numbers

Life is full of numbers. Your age, your height, your weight and other factors too. When my children were small they couldn’t wait to grow up. Now they are grown up and they have moments that they wish they were younger. Sometimes we track time by an event. It has been 4 years since Nana went to heaven, 7 years since Papa went to heaven, almost a year since the sister moved away to college and almost 4 years since brother moved out on his own. And other times we track time by when we expect something to happen. In a little less than 2 months the baby graduates from high school, 3 months until summer, 5 months until the baby starts college and the next chapter in her life. All the while their momma counts down the days until they have time for her again. Not that I have a lot of free time to sit around and count anything, the 5 mini dachshunds do demand quite a lot of attention and they like to offer 10,000 kisses. Lucky for me :), well except being kissed by a dog is actually one of my least favorite things. But since they enjoy it so much I try really hard to be patient with them and their over kissing. Eventually the little loves lay down and snuggle.