I promise you, kindness is FREE! The ability to keep one’s mouth shut and not say rude things does not cost you a dime. Perhaps you will have some dents in your tongue where your teeth clamped down and kept it from moving and saying rude things, but I promise no money will be exchanged. It isn’t that hard to not say anything at all. You may actually be saving a life by keeping your rude thoughts to yourself.
Perhaps you didn’t realize you were being rude. Maybe you were simply sharing your ideas on your idealistic world and didn’t stop to think that others may not agree. Did you considering asking me first what my plans were? Did you consider all of the work I have put into this project for the last year? Did it occur to you that this WAS important to me? Sometimes it is hard to look past yourself and see the others around you.
I think you are part of an amazing organization, I admire what you do as part of that group, and I did look forward to being part of it all. Yet, in 25 seconds, it all turned to ash and blew away in the gentle breeze from the door silently closing. You made assumptions, based on your conceived ideas on who I am, and changed my path within this amazing group of people.
I could fight back, but I have only invested a year into this. I worry that if I did push back I would be perceived as an aggressor because of my passions, and kindness is free so I should be kind. I set the example for my children to live by, and they know I chose to not fight this battle, that I gave up, and keeping my mouth shut was all about the kindness of not sharing my anger, hurt, and frustration. Instead I will focus my energy where it is appreciated and needed. I wish you well in all of your endeavors.
Reality has a way of sucking you in and trapping you in a moment and not letting you go. My moment started on April 30, 2015. It was a gradual the way things started to engulf me and until recently I hadn’t even noticed my life was at a standstill. It started with the loss of a young life to suicide, then my youngest daughter’s presentation of her Senior Project, which happened to be about suicide awareness, followed by her graduation from high school. In that time she also registered for classes for college, secured a summer job and had started working her job she intends to have through college.
I stopped doing the things that I liked, started doing things that consumed my brain but offered nothing in return and stopped making plans for my future as I will no longer be a full time mom. I have no motivation to fix the things that are wrong and no desire to care. Each day offers a new opportunity to start making the changes I need to make, yet my desire has not been very strong. It also doesn’t help that the temperature has been between 80 and 102 degrees the past 3 or more weeks. I function well at 72 to 75 degrees anything over that and I become sluggish and irritable. Today the temperature is currently at 53 degrees which would be great if my house wasn’t still feeling like 85 degrees.
The chaos has consumed me. I have known this for the past few weeks. I have decided today that I will start taking a more active roll in my own life again. I didn’t actually stop living completely the past two months, I just stopped providing the visual documentation on why I am thankful daily, I stopped writing and I haven’t been participating in many things I enjoy physically either, like spending time with other people. This all stops today as I enjoy these activities. I have a plan for my future, I will be going back to school at the end of August. This is not so I can find a different job but instead because 21 years ago I had to quit school to raise my son and then my daughters. Now it is time for me to try again.
One of my favorite dinosaurs is the velociraptor. I have many, but this guy is short and I like that about him. Jurassic Quest is where you can view this information on many other dinosaurs as well. They are coming back to Montana, sadly I would have to travel out of town to go again so hopefully they will make another visit later this year 🙂 A girl can hope any way!