There was a time I believed that suicide was selfish. I didn’t understand how someone could end their life when their current situation was temporary and death was permanent. How they could leave the world and let everyone else deal with that loss. You see that is the problem, I didn’t understand. I understood my bouts with depression and my fling with attempted suicide. I understand what motivated me to hold on and not give up my fight as an adult. When I was between the ages of 12 and 13 I took a handful of sleeping pills. I missed my brother who had passed away and I missed my mom because she was never the same after that accident. I felt numb and alone and I just wanted to sleep forever. Flash forward past this incident and on to my adulthood. I didn’t ever think that my attempted suicide was selfish, never once, some how I kept this separate from how I began to feel about suicide in general. Yet as I became an adult and had more of an education on life and what it was all about I did start to believe that suicide was selfish. That the act of suicide went against all that was good and most importantly was the ultimate sin, to take away a life that God had created. I personally have dealt with depression most of my life. My own battle, watching my mom’s battle until her passing and now with my own children. My youngest daughter was told the other day that it was all just a state of mind and she could get past it.
Now I understand things better. I understand that it isn’t about anyone else but yourself and your own battle when you contemplate suicide. This isn’t an act of war against God, not everyone believes in God. It is a release from the fight you have been fighting, a battle that you can’t seem to win. There are no right or wrong answers. There is no one size cures all. It is different for everyone who deals with thoughts of suicide and depression. I don’t have the answers, I wish I could save everyone who suffers from some form of mental illness. Until then I will do my best to show compassion and support to those I can. I hope that I can be there for those that feel that they have no hope. Of course this is my very own opinion on suicide, everyone is entitled to their own.