Where are You?

I keep finding myself lost in my chaos. I want to stay focused and engaged, yet I find that the more I do the less I stay focused on any one thing. Which then causes anxiety for myself. Among all of this I am taking pleasure in each new day.

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This is Lily Lynn, my youngest daughters cat. She lives in the bathroom and likes to drink cold water from the running faucet. She drives me crazy, yet I enjoy brushing her and spending time with her. She is my daily reminder to enjoy a cold drink and let someone brush your hair :)! Now if I could just find myself and keep myself planted and focused.

World of Wonder

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IMG_0543 My best friend, Cat-A-Piller.

Montana beautiful sky. !cid__0212121455 !cid__0211121153_01 Trip to Missouri from Montana to see my son graduate boot camp. We stopped at the Denver Zoo in Denver, CO and the Rolling Hills Zoo near Salina, KS.

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Girl Scouts took both of my daughters across the country. We are all hoping to someday make the trip as a family.

 Sweet Penelope after she broke her toenail down to her paw.    IMG_0520

Oscar Mayer Time as a family.

Time in the garden is quiet and relaxing. 2014-06-16_07.52.57

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An afternoon of painting with my kids is another one of my favorite things to do.

Teachers

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 When I was younger I played school. My students where my stuffed animals and dolls, including my Cabbage Patch Kids. My teachers would give me left over worksheets at the end of the year and I would be entertained for the whole summer. My siblings were much younger then me so they could not be used as my students. My children are about 2 years apart, making the oldest and youngest about 4 years apart. A great combination to have a teacher and some students.

My son was called the dictator. His sisters hated that they had to play school with him. He would be fine for the first little bit and then WHAM the girls would giggle or not do what he instructed and he was the meanest teach that ever taught in the universe. He did provide lunch and did school photos as well. Eventually the girls learned to say NO when he asked them to play school. The rule at our house has always been if you start something you need to finish it.

The oldest girl, the one who is actually going to school to be a teacher now, was much kinder. However she gave harder work that her students struggled to do correctly. She also was able to get leftover papers from her teachers at the end of the school year and a few times got some retired library books, if I remember correctly.

Nobody played school when the youngest was the teacher. All she wanted to do was stuff about animals anyway. So when she played school she did so with her stuffed animals. I think she probably had the most fun. Her animals almost always listened to her and they didn’t talk back as much as real people did.

They all have grown and discovered other things about themselves. They have grown and become three entirely different people. They all are passionate about different things and they all love to tell others about what they love. I hope they each continue to share their loves with the world and educate others along the way. The best teachers are the ones who have the passion to share with others.

Suicide = Selfish

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There was a time I believed that suicide was selfish. I didn’t understand how someone could end their life when their current situation was temporary and death was permanent. How they could leave the world and let everyone else deal with that loss. You see that is the problem, I didn’t understand. I understood my bouts with depression and my fling with attempted suicide. I understand what motivated me to hold on and not give up my fight as an adult. When I was between the ages of 12 and 13 I took a handful of sleeping pills. I missed my brother who had passed away and I missed my mom because she was never the same after that accident. I felt numb and alone and I just wanted to sleep forever. Flash forward past this incident and on to my adulthood. I didn’t ever think that my attempted suicide was selfish, never once, some how I kept this separate from how I began to feel about suicide in general. Yet as I became an adult and had more of an education on life and what it was all about I did start to believe that suicide was selfish. That the act of suicide went against all that was good and most importantly was the ultimate sin, to take away a life that God had created. I personally have dealt with depression most of my life. My own battle, watching my mom’s battle until her passing and now with my own children. My youngest daughter was told the other day that it was all just a state of mind and she could get past it.

Now I understand things better. I understand that it isn’t about anyone else but yourself and your own battle when you contemplate suicide. This isn’t an act of war against God, not everyone believes in God. It is a release from the fight you have been fighting, a battle that you can’t seem to win. There are no right or wrong answers. There is no one size cures all. It is different for everyone who deals with thoughts of suicide and depression. I don’t have the answers,  I wish I could save everyone who suffers from some form of mental illness. Until then I will do my best to show compassion and support to those I can. I hope that I can be there for those that feel that they have no hope. Of course this is my very own opinion on suicide, everyone is entitled to their own.

Opinions

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Everyone has an opinion. Sometimes it is the same as yours other times it is not. Tonight a work my youngest daughter was having a conversation with someone and they told her that ADHD, anxiety and depression are all just a state of mind. You can change the way you think and none of those things exist. Thankfully my daughter respected the other person’s point of view and continued the conversation on to other topics. I also had someone tell me today that suicide is selfish. It is all in your beliefs and your knowledge. Since everyone has an opinion I hope others are kind enough to respect them if their opinion differs from theirs. Be kind, think before you speak and if you have nothing nice to say try to be silent.

Imagine If…..

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Imagine if you were a dinosaur. What kind would you be? Would you have feathers? Would you be green or purple?

Imagine if you were a pink pig. What would you eat? Would you were a pink dress with polka dots?

Imagine if you could fly. Where would you fly to? Are you a bird or a plane?

While my children were young we did a lot of imagine if. We had lots of talks about what it would be like if this or that happened. We made up stories to tell each other instead of always reading what others wrote. I wanted my children to be creative and think of the possibilities others might overlook. I wanted them to think for themselves.

I know I have succeeded because they all have strong convictions. They enjoy debating all types of topics with each other. Some times they will even debate the other side of an issue than what they actually believe just to debate with their siblings. However their passions run deep for topics they care about. So deep that I often get a phone call about how others are so unwilling to hear any point of view that is different from their own. At times like that I remind my children that those are reminders for them to make sure not to treat others they way they sometimes are treated.

I challenge you to imagine if today, tomorrow and the rest of your life you can be the best you possible.

Grateful

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In 2012 for the month of November I posted on my Facebook each day what I was thankful for. In 2013 time got away from me and I didn’t participate. In December 2013 my son asked me why I didn’t post anything in November about my thankfuls. I was at first shocked that he noticed, I mean really he is a young man with his own things going on. Since I was pleased and honored that he noticed I told him in 2014 I would post on my Facebook everyday for the whole year what I was grateful for. I succeeded. Sometimes a day or two late, once in a great while I did a whole week at a time. For 2015 I decided to step it up again. This year each grateful post has a picture to go along with it and is posted on Instagram and shared on my Facebook. Sometimes I still get behind a day or two and sometimes I have to find an older picture to go along with what I am grateful for but I don’t give up and that is what is important. What are you grateful for today?

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