Feelings

Another day.

Another tear.

Another lost hope.

I don’t want your pity or your sympathy.

I ask for strength to get through whatever lays ahead.

I ask for peace to accept whatever may come and that I will still be here.

Still here.

Still trying.

Trying another day to get through this life.

Hello again

Wow!! Where does the time go? My life took a spin into full chaos almost THREE full years ago. Hard to believe I was so lost. I am finding myself again but the person I have found isn’t that great. Major health problems cause so much sadness and loneliness.

There have been many amazing things that have happened as well. I just don’t enjoy them nearly as much as I could if my health was better. Today I decided to try and reconnect to things I once enjoyed. I am hoping this will help my mind at least feel quieter and more at ease. Even if the rest of my body is raging with fire!!

Three Blind Mice

Ok so they sure as hell are not blind, and their numbers are actually higher than 3!!!

Some my house is now home to a bazillion mice. Well maybe not that many but tonight alone I have seen 2. We have had lots of snow and cold so I am sure they were looking for a cozy place to live. But I am so done with all of them. They are driving my dogs crazy, driving the cat crazy and they are all driving my CRAZY!! The cat has caught the ones that enter her area of the house. But try as they might the dogs are unable to catch the stupid little mice. I have almost gotten rid of all of their hiding places and filled them with traps. But the dogs will not give up and are starting to cause damage because they are chasing the mice and doing whatever it takes to try to conquer them.

Here is an old picture of  one of the dogs after trying to hunt some mice.

Hopefully tomorrow we will be done with these mice!

February Color Time

Here they are :)! It has been a long month for being a short month. I have struggled through sickness, toothache and another round of miserable sickness.

Still using my gift from my youngest daughter. This picture is actually for her and her little dog.

Thank you to Linda G. Hill and her prompt for the The Escapist Coloring Club and providing me purpose each month :)!

Surprise

It has been a week, one long week, of misery and pain. Last Sunday I ate dinner and that was the start of the end for me. I was already feeling a little under the weather the week before so adding more to that wrecked any chance I had of feeling well and productive.

Work was miserable, again for so many reasons, and I had to go because no one can do my job. They also don’t want to do my job. Nobody cares any more. The leader has no clue what he is doing, none what so ever. The followers are just that followers. So following a clueless leader means nothing is getting done. Everyone thinks they know more than the next person, we have lost the community of working together towards a common goal. I truly hate going to work right now. I dread it more than being sick actually.

This sickness has kicked my ass. I have missed work, a few days anyway. I made them up by working on some scheduled days off, but I was not nearly as productive as I wanted to be. They still do not know what is wrong with me. Waiting for tests of samples that were taken. I am suppose to call back next week if I don’t hear from them and get the test results. This annoys me. I paid to see the doctor, they should remember to call me back and let me know what is wrong. But, what do I know? They get paid the big bucks.

I have not finished anything I was suppose to get done this past week. I also forgot to make a list of all the important things I was suppose to do. Then I remember randomly something I was suppose to do and and of course I am not at a place to accomplish the task or write down so that I don’t forget again. Then I forget again. Such a cycle going for me this past week. I am also cold, so very cold. My fingers are like ice and I can’t seem to warm them up.

I have had a diet of Pedialyte, bananas, applesauce, toast, crackers and chicken broth. 90% of these things I do not like to eat. I have suffered through and slowly added regular food back in as the week has progressed. I wish I could say that I am better and the food is helping but it isn’t. I tried to have coffee on Friday and boy did I regret that decision about an hour after I drank it and for the rest of the night. I assume it was the coffee any way and that makes me sad because I really love my coffee. I ate food last night and this morning and so far it hasn’t been too bad, but my tummy knows that the solid food has entered I just don’t think it is sure what it wants to do with it yet.

My oldest daughter shared some exciting news with me this past Tuesday. Sadly she asked me not to share with anyone just yet. So of course I can’t share until she is ready for the world to know her secret. She is an amazing human who has been driven since the day she was born. I can’t imagine what her future is going to hold. She just finished student teaching in December and is currently doing a long term sub job for 5th grade. She has her struggles with this job but there are so many different factors involved that in the end she can only do her best and hope it is enough. Hopefully she allows me to share soon.

Time to Relax

For Christmas my youngest daughter gave me a puppies coloring book. The possibilities are endless. This is my second picture so far. I color to relax and get relief from my crazy life. It has been awhile since I have taken time for myself, and when I did I found this prompt:

The Escapist Coloring Club Prompt

I will do my best to participate each month, and visit everyone else participating as well :)!

Memories of 2017

I started the year out with great intentions. Being organized, being healthy, living life not just watching it go by, and a few other grand goals. Of course none of those happened, at least not as I intended.

Things I managed to accomplish:

• Finished school and earned my degree for graphic design.
• Attended my oldest daughter’s graduation on the same day I graduated. Even the same ceremony. She earned her teaching degree as did her boyfriend.
• Attended and organized 12 family dinners with two of my siblings, their families and my own children and their families and my dad’s best friend, our “uncle”.
• survived the year at work with 3 different store managers.
• Watched my son change again into a new person with a new name. Still haven’t figured out if I did something wrong raising him or his inner self is just never satisfied.
• Said goodbye to my youngest daughter as she moved out and started her own adult adventures.
• Survived a month with a broken furnace. Thankfully the coldest it got outside was the low 20s.
• Fixed the furnace!!!!
• Survived the end of year extreme temperatures: -24; -14; -10

Not a bad list.

I hope that this next year is filled with more love, happiness and light than the other stuff for everyone.

Happy Valentine’s Day

The joys of a Sunday afternoon. No where to be, nothing to important to do that couldn’t wait for another day. I am enjoying my slow paced day and spending it with my youngest daughter. She is my Valentine this year. We have had a lovely late breakfast and both got to sleep in since neither of us worked today. I am thankful for days like this.

I hope everyone is enjoying their day and finding peace within themselves to share with others who may need it.

Happy Monday :)

I was so tired this morning. Scratchy throat and monster headache. I snuggled with this little cutie and feel a little better. Work will be hectic tomorrow since I missed today, but tomorrow is tomorrow.

Where are You?

I keep finding myself lost in my chaos. I want to stay focused and engaged, yet I find that the more I do the less I stay focused on any one thing. Which then causes anxiety for myself. Among all of this I am taking pleasure in each new day.

This is Lily Lynn, my youngest daughters cat. She lives in the bathroom and likes to drink cold water from the running faucet. She drives me crazy, yet I enjoy brushing her and spending time with her. She is my daily reminder to enjoy a cold drink and let someone brush your hair :)! Now if I could just find myself and keep myself planted and focused.