Roundup

Here it is, my roundup:

Relationship Blogs over at A Good Blog is Hard to Find. I found this fun and refreshing  and a good guide for things to watch out for.

To the Parents I Judged…. giggles and laughs can be found over at frommtvtomommy. I remember the looks I got from teachers when my children were younger and I hope they eventually received this same kind of wake up call.

In the blue from Colour the moment is a beautiful tribute to a child.

 

 

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She Inspires Me

My youngest daughter inspires me. She is a 16 year old young woman attempting to carve her own path. She has a grocery list of things that are “wrong” with her and another list of things she hates about herself, yet she makes the effort every day to keep trying.

She inspires me. From a small child suffering from undiagnosed anxiety she has lived to her best and fullest self most of the time. Imagine being 3 years old sitting in preschool without your security blanket or your favorite stuffed doggie. Imagine staying all day, everyday at preschool through play time, lunch time and learning activities and NEVER speaking a word to one single person, child or adult. Imagine making do with what you got in any situation because you could NOT vocalize your needs or wants. Imagine riding the bus from preschool wondering if they would remember to drop you off at the right place because you couldn’t use words to tell them when they drove by your house. Imagine not speaking a word in 2 and a half years to any adult in a school setting, yet everyday you still go because your mom says you need to go and try, so you go and you try.

She inspires me. The anxiety is a nicely managed animal now. She has traveled to California on a Girl Scout Destination to attend a wilderness photography event. She had very limited chances to talk to me while she was gone and it took her almost 24 hours to make friends with anyone close to her age yet she didn’t give up. She navigated two larger airports and found ways to cope with her severe feelings of being homesick. She pushed her anxiety aside and dug deep within herself to find the courage to keep trying and moved forward.

She inspires me. I live each day to provide her with an example that it is a personal choice to fight or give up. Anxiety and depression do not just go away because you wish it, or because you take a pill and sometimes no matter what you do nothing works 100%. You make the choice to pull yourself out of bed and face your reality or you choose to stay in bed and hide. I strive to encourage her everyday and support her in everything she does. I remind her daily that she is loved and important. I redirect her negativity when it comes up, and it often does. I remind her to take her pills. Mostly I encourage her to be herself, not her brother or her sister, but herself.

Her photos I used for day 19 Zero to Hero challenge are from her trip in 2012 to California as part of a Girl Scout Destination. She inspires me because she learned something new, taught me something and had the courage to go on an adventure away from home and without knowing a single person on her trip.

Social Media and My Thoughts on Yesterday

Today our Zero to Hero challenge is to activate a social network. I am not ready to take that step. I started this blog to find myself in my new roles in my life. I have told no one of  this adventure in my day to day life. I have many reputations to uphold or live down and I wanted a place to come discover who I am going to be next without so many preconceived ideas of who I already should be interfering with that.

Instead here are my thoughts on yesterday and two of the reputations I explored. Tessa over at life and loveliness shared some of my same views on her own reputation and why she also doesn’t invite her everyday friends to her blog. Not that she hides it either, seems like she is liking her own space to be herself. Over on Branching Mama I cried. I felt so sad and helpless. Overwhelmed by the unfairness of life and other’s reactions to a reputation. I was saddened by how much my own children have had to deal with because who their parents are or other family members and by default they are given a reputation solely by association. Then I was reminded of the inspiration that some provide to the world by their ability to look past these false reputations.

Although today I am not ready to make the social connection I am not fully turning my back on it either. I will explore my feelings on that in the future, maybe in a year or so. Until then I will continue to follow my undetermined path and see where it leads me and who I meet along the way.

What You See

What you see and who I am are not always the same. My reputation depends on who you are and what me you have heard about or have dealt with. I have many reputations all wrapped up in one me. One fabulously awesome ME!

You may have heard of Their Mom. Teachers and other school officials will tell you I am passionate when it comes to my children. I will stand up and fight for their last right in anything and everything. I will not back down, I will question your every answer and I will hold my children responsible for themselves and the school officials responsible for their actions as well.

The Girl Scout Volunteer who has been around awhile and is really scary. Who are you talking about? Trust me on this I am far more scared of you than you are of me. I am not a huge fan of talking in front of large crowds and I am very self conscious. I don’t talk to people first in a group setting because my anxiety is high and I really don’t want to be rejected publically. I will agree I am loud and I fake the assertive in your face personality well.

The Cool Mom. Now that is a reputation I like. Right until you hear “You are suppose to be the cool mom, now you SUCK!” I am a realistic mom. I believe all children deserve privacy and space. If you are in trouble and I take your cell phone you get to keep your battery. Trust me I probably don’t want to know what is on that phone. Having sex? In my head I am doing the please say no a thousand times a minute but what comes out of my mouth is “Do you need condoms? Be safe not sorry.”. Found a teenage party and got drunk and need a safe ride home? Yes please call me, I will come for you. I won’t be happy but I will save the lecture for when you are sober and hung over so you enjoy it more. Be honest, don’t lie and yes by some standards I will be the coolest mom ever. Don’t test me on the lying thing, liars can’t be trusted…..ever!

Crazy animal owner or sucker for animals. I love animals, they are honest and true. Not a liar among them so if that makes me crazy because I like to hang with them cool. Animals deserve respect and devotion.

I am sure I have other reputations, some I probably don’t want to know about even. I know I make judgments on others at times that build on their distorted reputations as well. Not all reputations are bad and not all judgments are made with all of the facts. It is hard to change a reputation once it is out there and it is not always easy to put your best foot first all the time, sometimes we slip or fall really hard instead.

Daily Prompt and Zero to Hero Challenge day 16 task completed 🙂

 

My Thoughts Because of Your Thoughts

Day 12 I am to be inspired by the community that I was a good neighbor to on Day 11. Here it is almost Day 13 and I am finally completing this task. Not because I was lazy or didn’t have time to, more because I was looking for new blogs, subjects or something that caused a reaction.

I found this on Single Mom Ranting and Why I No Longer Encourage a Relationship Between My Son and His Father. This fits into how my children’s father treats them or how he allows them to be treated by his girlfriend. My youngest daughter has some issues with anxiety, depression and ADHD. At home we know that she does not function well if anyone raises their voice at her, she can be talked to in a normal voice level and still be in trouble. Screaming at her only causes her to shut down and draw into herself. How to explain that to the girlfriend who is a screamer is hard to do, especially since I actually am not allowed to speak  to her and their father also does not speak to me. It is a wonderfully great process of the children telling me what their dad wants and me telling  my youngest daughter if she can go to his house or not. I have no control over the older two as they are 18 and 20 and legally adults, the youngest is still just 16 and has a limited voice. I truly hate that I am unable to protect her from all of the nastiness of this. She deals pretty well though, depending on how upset she is over any particular situation that has recently happened determines what “my” response is the next time he wants her to come over. Again I don’t speak to him at all, the girlfriend doesn’t like it I guess, so “my” response is usually whatever my daughter wants me to say. occasionally I will actually say no but only because we had previous plans or because he wants her to hang out with the girlfriend’s son with no adults around. The son is not very nice when adults are around and  I don’t want my daughter put in a situation that might get out of hand. I wish with all of my heart that he would put the children first versus himself or his public image. Mostly he uses his children as pawns in his ploy to make people think he is a great and wonderful person because he is a father. He generally neglects to tell people he only sees his children when he wants to impress an employer, impress his newest girlfriend or when the current girlfriend wants to play house.

I am thankful that at this point in their lives my children are aware of what he does and have developed ways of coping with it. When the kids were younger I use to dream that some day their dad would take them on the weekends and spend time with them and do fun stuff. This has never happened the way I imagined it. Perhaps they will be better parents because of this, well I can at least hope for some good to come from the way he has treated them.