Day 12 I am to be inspired by the community that I was a good neighbor to on Day 11. Here it is almost Day 13 and I am finally completing this task. Not because I was lazy or didn’t have time to, more because I was looking for new blogs, subjects or something that caused a reaction.
I found this on Single Mom Ranting and Why I No Longer Encourage a Relationship Between My Son and His Father. This fits into how my children’s father treats them or how he allows them to be treated by his girlfriend. My youngest daughter has some issues with anxiety, depression and ADHD. At home we know that she does not function well if anyone raises their voice at her, she can be talked to in a normal voice level and still be in trouble. Screaming at her only causes her to shut down and draw into herself. How to explain that to the girlfriend who is a screamer is hard to do, especially since I actually am not allowed to speak to her and their father also does not speak to me. It is a wonderfully great process of the children telling me what their dad wants and me telling my youngest daughter if she can go to his house or not. I have no control over the older two as they are 18 and 20 and legally adults, the youngest is still just 16 and has a limited voice. I truly hate that I am unable to protect her from all of the nastiness of this. She deals pretty well though, depending on how upset she is over any particular situation that has recently happened determines what “my” response is the next time he wants her to come over. Again I don’t speak to him at all, the girlfriend doesn’t like it I guess, so “my” response is usually whatever my daughter wants me to say. occasionally I will actually say no but only because we had previous plans or because he wants her to hang out with the girlfriend’s son with no adults around. The son is not very nice when adults are around and I don’t want my daughter put in a situation that might get out of hand. I wish with all of my heart that he would put the children first versus himself or his public image. Mostly he uses his children as pawns in his ploy to make people think he is a great and wonderful person because he is a father. He generally neglects to tell people he only sees his children when he wants to impress an employer, impress his newest girlfriend or when the current girlfriend wants to play house.
I am thankful that at this point in their lives my children are aware of what he does and have developed ways of coping with it. When the kids were younger I use to dream that some day their dad would take them on the weekends and spend time with them and do fun stuff. This has never happened the way I imagined it. Perhaps they will be better parents because of this, well I can at least hope for some good to come from the way he has treated them.