Raising three children as a single parent has many challenges, successes and adventures. These challenges, successes and adventures also change year after year. Depending on the ages of the children and the circumstances we found ourselves in. Facing some of the hardest issues head on I was able to successfully navigate my little ones into adulthood.
One cold, sunny, winter afternoon I was driving my kids to rent some movies. My youngest daughter wanted something about animals, my older daughter wanted a princess movie and my son was hoping for a Scooby Doo movie he hadn’t already seen more than three times. There was the usual he touched me and she won’t scoot over whining going on and then suddenly the car went silent. Some how I had missed the THREE protesters standing on the corner of the Planned Parenthood building. Some how I was distracted for just a few seconds and missed the AWFUL posters my children, all under the age of 11, were now staring at. One of them asked a question of what are they doing, why are they holding posters with dead babies on them, why mom, why? I asked them not to look and then explained abortion to their young minds and hearts. My heart was broken for their lost innocence. Thank you Planned Parenthood Protesters for helping me teach my children about the ugliness that is in this world, and yes that includes the posters you were so kind to share with them.
Flash forward a couple of years and to another drive. This time it was on the way to school after a rushed morning of finding shoes, fixing wiggly socks and finding our other missing book. The kids pilled into the car and off we went. The previous day they had spent some time with their father. I don’t ask a lot of questions when they come home, really just did you have fun and are you hungry. So I never really know what they were doing during those visits. I now know where they stopped because one of them asked me about a building we drive by every day. A building that is in a commercial/industrial part of town. A small building with covered windows, nondescript door and only one sign perpendicular to the roof that says XXX. Apparently their top notch father stopped here the day before. He just needed to run a movie in, and they all waited in the car for a few minutes. More innocence robbed from my children thanks to a thoughtless adult.
Apologies on the other hand are something they have been learning about their whole lives. They have also learned the art of how to accept an apology versus just forgiving someone because it is the right thing to do. Just because you accept an apology does not mean you forgive the person that did you wrong. It also means if you hurt someone else and need to offer an apology that your apology may or many not be what helps. Don’t apologize because I said so instead apologize because you feel it is the right thing to do to make the current situation better. Don’t apologize because someone else has a different view point than you. Instead remind them that it is ok to be different.
Raising my children to adulthood has been my biggest challenge and the biggest reward as well. I look forward each day to see how they manage and succeed in adulthood and use the skills they learned growing up.
Jenn Lost in Chaos 
It sounds like your anger toward the disturbing posters should be aimed at the people protesting Planned Parenthood and not the establishment itself. But I could be wrong. It’s hard to talk about such “mature” things to children. When something likes this comes up with mine, I try to explain things clearly and bluntly without getting embarrassed, but it can sure be a challenge.
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Yes, Tamara, my anger was directed toward the Planned Parenthood Protestors, not Planned Parenthood itself. My children lost some of their innocence that day and I was sad for their loss.
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It’s tough; I understand as a single mom of three (now aged 20,19, and 14) as well. There’s only so much we can do to protect them from the world. All we can really do is our best – they know and appreciate it when they get older.
Hang in there. 🙂
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Thank you Linda. My children tell me often how glad they are I am their mom and that I was honest and open with them about the realities of life. They are now 21, 19 and the baby just turned 18.
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Oh how wonderful. 🙂 Testament to you excellent parenting. We’re far too hard on ourselves when we’re not sure what we’re doing, aren’t we?
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Yes we are far to hard on ourselves!
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Thoughtfully written.
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Thank you Virginia.
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Thank you for this powerful and courageous post, Jenn. Yes, parenting is an extremely hard job. We protect them from the world, prepare them for the world, and eventually, let them go their way in the world. I’m navigating that third stage now, and finding it to be the hardest one yet. Through all of them, we never stop loving them; but how best to express that love is always a new challenge.
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I agree that it is challenging to express love to children as they get older. Each child is different in what they will allow and what they feel is inappropriate over loving from their mothers. With three of my own sometimes I forget that they have specific boundaries and they like it best if I not cross them. For instance one is ok with hugging any time the other two would like me to do that for special occasions only. I am fortunate that they are usually kind and forgiving to me if I treat them like younger kids than the adults they really are. Good luck with your own navigation through the third stage, remember you are not alone :)!
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Thank you, Jenn, O Wise One!
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