Changes

My sadness may start to overwhelm me soon. There are so many changes that have began to happen. Things I thought I was ready for that I wasn’t. I have cried, I have tried to start new dreams and I have spent days wondering what will happen next.

My youngest daughter left for her trip this afternoon. She will be spending the next two weeks in London with a day trip to Paris. I created a journal full of pictures from home and her past experiences on Girl Scout destinations. I am excited for her, just sad she will be out of contact for most of those two weeks. She doesn’t have an international cell phone and she should be making new friends and enjoying the experience anyway. Her older sister did this same trip in 2010 and they will have lots to talk about once the little one is home.

Once the little one is home she will be off again for another four weeks working. She will be working at concession stands at two fairs and will be away from home most of those weeks as well. On a side note she will probably be sick of fair food once she does get home and have some of her own spending money burning a hole in her pocket.

While the little one is gone working my oldest daughter will be moving 3 hours away to go to college. Her apartment is ready for move in on August 1st. I am not looking forward to her being so far away with winter and snow coming sooner rather than later. If the mountain passes are bad she will not be able to travel home from either direction. One of my biggest fears for her right now is her finding a job once she gets all moved in. I know her savings will pay her rent for the first 6 months she is there if absolutely necessary. Yet I still worry, that is what moms do. I hope school will be more of a challenge for her at the new school and she won’t get bored and hate going every day.

My son recently turned 21. I had hoped that once he hit this age he would mellow out. This has not happened. On Friday he had yet another fight with his spouse. It was not pretty, they are both young and always think they are right. The second time the divorce word was used I lost it and told them to figure out if they loved each other or not, marriage isn’t a game you have to work at it everyday. It took them about an hour to work through some of their issues and get to a point where they could talk to each other. My hope is that they fight for each other instead of against each other.

Health wise for myself things seem to be at a standstill, nothing really changing but still not 100% functional. UC sucks and I need to try harder to improve my outlook and health as well. I am not sure that I will ever feel any better than I do right now, but I am slightly hopeful that I will…… someday.

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